he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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