Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
