I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
