Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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