I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
