Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize