elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
