I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
