Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I lost the right to judge tonight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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