P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
