so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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