Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
