and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
