halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
