I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
