i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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