sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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