Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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