then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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