He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
