in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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