So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
