There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
