you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
