someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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