I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
