never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
