i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
