please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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