I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
