apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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