I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
