I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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