I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
