three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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