so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
