OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
