I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
