Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
false alarm. still invincible.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
