Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
