weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
