Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
