I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
