Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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