"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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