how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
