found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
