is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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