none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
