The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
