this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
