a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
