he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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