dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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