My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
