R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
