Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he shaved USA in his pubs
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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