R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
