i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
high people should be assigned attendants
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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