Betty ford says i'm here all night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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