My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
