Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
