Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
