TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
