He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
