I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
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