My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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