i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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