I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
