Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
