I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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