i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
