fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
