So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
