So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I AM VODKA MAN
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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